And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
