Someone shit on the floor
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
