I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
