Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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