she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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