And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
