Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Alive.
So much puke
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
