Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
