two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
