Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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