Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
