I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
