he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
