I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
