We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
