I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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