Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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