he puts the penis in happiness.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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