Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
