I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
