I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
