he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
