people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
