I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
bring money and cleavage
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
