That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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