Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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