You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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