Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize