I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
