And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
