I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
