great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
