i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
