I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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