I got chris browned last night
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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