What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
