Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
These tits shall not be calmed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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