So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
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vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
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I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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