Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
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Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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