I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize