The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
