So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
