Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
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I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.