They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?