Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??