I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If that was your dad, he is hot
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him