i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Watching her eat just hurts me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?