$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize