I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
