the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
