when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
