This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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