is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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