I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
high people should be assigned attendants
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.