She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
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She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca