Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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