Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home