If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...