i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
