she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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