Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
