I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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