Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
