alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
