Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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