who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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