You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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