My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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