it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
