Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
too bad you live with your parents still
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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